i've always been quite a quiet person. enjoyed my low profile. you might even be able to say... took pride in it. the ability to not be noticed. derrick can testify to the thousands of times i freaked him out by suddenly appearing behind him. hahaha. i'm the freaky geek. geeky freak.
in retrospect, i realise i liked to influence my surroundings. in my own little ways.

i hoped i could introduce new words into the english dictionary (or at least my entire level's lingo of some sort) just by using a made up word often enough. one such word (if i rmb correctly) was "blurking". its a continuous form of blurk. to be "blurking" is to... be a blur king. hurhurhur. ok not so funny. but ya. create a lingo. (failed duh)

i wanted to start a chain mail. just so that sooner or later when it comes back to me somehow i can say "HEY. i was the one who started this chainmail! hahahaha"

and i used to have this thought. saaay someone in orchard road suddenly stops walking and stares at the sky. sooner or later people would just get curious and stare at whatever that first guy is looking at. in other words. if i focused my life on anything closely enough, people would see and join in.

but now i think. that's just. too idealistic. God doesn't work this way. its like. how many thousands of episodes of simpsons were there before the word "d'oh" was in the oxford dictionary? how long would you need to stare into the sky before 5 people would stare with you? Its just too idealistic. the truth is people don't quite care. and you might as well say "ay. there's somethin up there. look up."

wherever Jesus went he shook the grounds. confronted. challenged the norm. he didn't just stand there cos it doesn't make sense. that's just plain ineffective. Jesus told us to be salt of the earth. when you put salt into soup, the soup's taste would never be the same again.

I thought of designing a building that points people to God. but seriously does it help? i dno. God doesn't seem to work this way. then again maybe i'm just mentally unsound now.

but if anything, it would be the process that glorifies God. just like the Cross. its the story behind it that points people to Jesus. otherwise the cross itself means nothing. mmm. so my building (if it really happens......) would stand to bear witness to my life, which stands to witness for God.

or something like that.
dear God, what do you want for me?